Saturday, July 28, 2007

Nude blonde, gold stilettos and a Ferrari...

A mysterious blonde paid a visit to a petrol station shop in the small eastern German town of Doemitz on July22nd - wearing nothing but a pair of golden stilettos and a thin gold bracelet.

The tall, slender woman strolled into the shop in the town of Doemitz on the warm afternoon and bought cigarettes, petrol station employee Ines Swoboda told reporters the next day. "I wasn't surprised because she's come in naked before - she's a very nice woman," Swoboda said, adding none of the other customers were bothered.

The woman could have faced charges of creating a public disturbance if anyone had complained. A quick-witted customer did, however, snap pictures of the woman believed to be about 30 years old as she walked back to a waiting Ferrari and climbed into the passenger seat. Several of those photos appeared in the German media on July 23rd.

Shoplifter leaves address for police

German police called to investigate a supermarket theft were surprised to discover the culprit had left his contact details with a shop assistant.

The 30-year-old thief, who was born in Liverpool, England, passed a note to the assistant which read in German: "Call the police, I've just stolen," a spokesman for the police in the town of Nienburg in Lower Saxony said on July 25th.

The shoplifter left the premises carrying a full bag of shopping in one hand and a pack of toilet paper under his arm. When officers called at his address, the man admitted his crime. He justified the act by saying he and his pregnant girlfriend were having cash flow problems because of a mistake by the social security office.

"You don't come across criminals like this every day," the spokesman said. "The man wouldn't say why he tipped us off."

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Crazy Patents!

For the US Patents Office to issue a patent, the invention must be novel, non-obvious, and "useful." The standard for usefulness is certainly the weakest of the three - any possible utility, no matter how small, will suffice. And, useful does not necessarily mean commercially viable. In other words, you can get a patent on some crazy things that will never make it to the shelves of your local store. For instance:

Patent Number 5392735

"Marine Mammal Communication Device"

This Walt Disney patent contains detailed source code (about 17 pages worth) of what basically amounts to a dolphin size keyboard that translates keystrokes into sounds for both humans and other dolphins and perhaps "whales and porpoises" as well. They hope that once trained that a human will be able to simply speak to the Dolphins as well.

Patent Number 7108178

"Method of stopping a stolen car without a high-speed chase, utilizing a bar code"

The title alone earns the patent a place in this article. Part of the invention also requires that the rear wheel covers have bullets or knives installed in them, however the inventor also offers a method to disable the engine by remote control.

Patent Number 6142880

"Method of playing a bowling game"

This is basically bowling like it is today, but changing the scoring system to "eliminate the unfair advantage of scoring consecutive strikes with a multiplier effect".

Patent Number 5107620

"Electrified table cloth"

Designed to discourage bugs from crawling on a table cloth, the electrified table cloth shocks them, much like an invisible dog fence. I'm not sure this idea is so crazy - if anyone knows where to get one of these, please let me know.

Patent Number 7062320

"Device for the treatment of hiccups"

Appears to be a glass that shocks you when you drink from it, ostensibly stimulating specific nerves in an attempt to cure hiccups.

Patent Number 6994809

"Plug for and method of patching a hole in a wall"

Maybe not really crazy, but crazily obvious. This patent shows you how to patch a hole in a wall by cutting out a piece the same size as a pre-formed plug, and then inserting the plug and plastering over it.

Patent Number 5443036

"Method of exercising a cat"

In 1993 the US Patents Office issued this patent for using a laser pointer to exercise a cat (yes, by moving the laser pointer beam around and having the cat chase it). Come on now... Not only is this crazy to patent, but this idea had surely been thought of long before this patent came about. In fact, a bit of research turned up the book: "One Hundred and Eighty-Seven Ways to Amuse a Bored Cat" (Ballantine Books; May, 1982) that describes the exact same idea, but using a flashlight. Sorry guys - the use of a laser pointer for the same thing is obvious.
Update: There is something else that is truly amazing about this patent. Not only should this patent probably never have been issued, but it appears that the USPTO has issued what is essentially the same patent many times! See: Patent Number: 6505576 "Pet Toy"; Patent Number: 6557495 "Laser Pet Toy"; Patent Number: 6651591 "Automatic Laser Pet Toy And Exerciser"; Patent Number: 6701872 "Method And Apparatus For Automatically Exercising A Curious Animal"

Patent Number: 6826983

"Light Bulb Changer"

How many machines does it take to change a light bulb? Come on now, who is going to buy a machine, that looks like it weighs 100 pounds and costs plenty, to change light bulbs?

Patent Number: 6752088

"Eating counter apparatus for mobile vending vehicle"

This guy must have been sitting around with a hotdog cart, a park bench, and a welding torch, and decided he needed to patent something using only these three things.

Patent Number:6739074

"Tamper Resistant Institutional Shoe And Method"

A shoe with a transparent sole to prevent concealing contraband. Don't laugh just yet - these might be required on planes soon!

Patent Number: 6718554

"Hands free towel carrying system"

A towel with a neck loop. Seriously -- that's all it is. And it took until 2004 to patent such a thing. I wonder what other amazing inventions remain to be discovered???

Patent Number: 6650315

"Mouse device with a built-in printer"

The title is pretty self-explanatory. Yes, it takes very small paper. Maybe it could serve as a label maker -- that's about all I can think of.


Patent Number: 6368227

"Method of swinging on a swing"

So these fools think that in all the years of swinging no one has ever before thought to pull on the opposite chains and swing form side to side? Well, I guess they got the PTO to issue the patent, so I'm not sure who the fool really is... But, even so, what do these guys expect to do with this anyway? Are they going to go around and collect royalties from kids on the playground?

Patent Number: 4858627

"Smokers Hat"

A hat with an air intake, which filters and then expels the air. Looks pretty much like wearing the exhaust hood for a stove on your head.

Patent Number: 4455816

"Tricycle Lawnmower"

No, you aren't misreading anything. This really is a child's tricycle with a lawnmower attached. Real safe, eh?

Patent Number: 4300473

"Device For Moistening The Adhesive Coating On Postage Stamps and Envelopes"

Describes a device containing an applicator to moisten stamps. Check out this quote: "The applicator may be in the form of a human tongue". Boy, that's novel.

Patent Number: 4233942

"Animal Ear Protection"

A device for protecting the ears of animals, especially long-haired dogs, from becoming soiled by the animal's food while the animal is eating. OK, your pet might look better without dirty hair, but it's going to look pretty dumb wearing this thing.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Wierd accident...


Man finds out wife, not daughter, unfaithful

An Israeli man who hired a detective to find out whether his daughter was cheating on her husband was told by the investigator his wife was in fact the one being unfaithful, an Israeli newspaper reported on July 22nd.

The man had his daughter followed at the request of his son-in-law, who had been suspicious of his wife's behaviour. The daughter was found innocent but the private investigator managed to snap photographs of the mother and another man caught in the act, the Maariv daily said.

"I saved my daughter's marriage and at the same time, saved myself from a woman who had it all in life but chose another man," the man, who has since sought to end the marriage, was quoted as telling his lawyer.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Wierd accident...


THEY REMARRIED 92 YEARS AFTER THEIR DIVORCE!

Age Carlson of Aalborg, Denmark, took to himself a wife at the age of twenty in 1811. Matrimony had a strange effect on Aage. He was seized with an irresistible wanderlust. After a long a conversation in which he tried in vain to induce his bride to share his nomadic life with him, Aage decided not to stand in the way of her happiness and divorced her. “I shall always love you,” he said in a tone of deep conviction. “But since you decline to roam the seven seas with me, it is only fair to give you a chance to find happiness with my successor.”

Aage left Denmark in 1811 and nothing further was heard from him during the remainder of the nineteenth century.

With the dawn of the twentieth century rumors reached the ex-Mrs. Carlson that her former husband, now a ship’s captain, was still alive and that he was thinking of settling down in his native country.

In 1903 Aage Carlson returned to Aalborg and called upon his ex-wife whom he had not seen in ninety-two years. Mrs. Carlson received him with dignity and reserve. When Aage learned that she had never remarried, he sank to his knees and delivered a proposal of remarriage couched in such ardent terms that her resistance melted away.

They remarried in 1903 and lived long enough to celebrate the rarest of all matrimonial events - the hundredth anniversary of their original wedlock. Both died a year later.